Dilemma and Decision

picture is taken from here

After a series of vacations *got me into dreamy and browse-for-cheap-ticket mode*, unhealthiness *sprained knee from the last skiing, and feverish bear*, and papers… I finally get to write again! Not that I don’t have enough free time to write, it’s just that the laziness, and sleeping and watching (movies, series) moods, attacked me in the last few days (or weeks? :p).

Just recently a friend faced a great dilemma and had to make a big decision *past tense since the decision has been made ^^*. She had to choose between buying one way or return way ticket to go home *as buying return way ticket is much cheaper than buying one way ticket twice ;p*. She has been given a great opportunity to stay and continue developing her skill, but unfortunately while being so far away from the family. Whereas her family wants her to come home, for some reasons. She’s the one that has to make the decision, so we as friends could only give our thoughts, cheer her up, and give our supports whatever her decision is.

And that… motivates me to write ^^. Maybe this will come to be too extreme as an illustration, but I watched Lincoln not so long ago *a great movie by the way ;)*, and I found that this would be the perfect analogy. Lincoln’s son, Robert, wanted to contribute in the civil war, but his mother, already lost a son before, was completely against that since she thought that she couldn’t bear to lose another son. Well, in this case the son knows exactly what he wants, and it depends on the parents whether to support him or not. Perhaps also to decide for him since as Lincoln said, “I’m Commander in Chief. So, in point of fact, without my permission you ain’t enlisting in nothing nowhere, young man.”

I know that every parent wants only the best for his/her children. To decide what would be the best for the children is one of the parents’ duty, only when the children are not capable to decide for themselves. Parents might think that they know better since they’re more experienced, but forcing their idea of ‘the best’ without thinking of what the children want is not the correct way of parenting, IMHO.

Just this once, Mrs. Lincoln, I demand of you to try and take the liberal and not the selfish point of view. Robert will never forgive himself. You imagine he’ll forgive us if we continue to stifle this very natural ambition? — Abraham Lincoln

When the parents insist that their decision would be the best for the children, regardless of what the children want for themselves, the children will face this great dilemma, between fulfilling their ambition and not letting the parents down. When someone makes a decision to comply with what others wants, they will get a chance to blame that other people every time things get rough. It is not unlikely that the children will feel resentful towards the parents. Though it depends on the person actually, whether to carry that bitter feeling the whole life, or to forget and forgive ^^.

What I want from my parents, or what I want to do when I become a parent later on, is that they let me decide for myself, as I will be the one who lives with the consequences, and that they support me whatever my decision is. Well, perhaps I have this version of ideal way of thinking because I’m not yet a parent ;).

Anyway, I believe that every decision we made will turn out to be the best, as long as we are sure and convinced that it would be the best. Then bearing any consequences of that decision will be easier, living without any regrets will be expected. I’m sure about that, I know 😉

I must make my decisions, Bob must make his, you yours. And bear what we must. Hold and carry what we must. — Abraham Lincoln

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