Myself: redefined

People change over time, so once in a while I feel the need to redefine myself,  asking myself “Who am I?”, to be able to go forward.

• I love cats. Not only because they’re cute, but also because they give me some comfort human cannot give. Only applies if the cat is friendly with me.
• I hate waiting. Sometimes the impatient is manageable, sometimes it’s not.
• I love water, and sun. A beach, by the river, a lake or a waterfall on a sunny day is the perfect combination of place and time.
• I hate loud places where we have to shout to each other to communicate. Except when we don’t have to communicate, just enjoy the music and/or drinks and sing along.
• I cannot express myself well, verbally. But this skill, I’m sure, can be learned and practiced.
• I don’t need a crowd of friends surrounding me, few but very close ones are more than enough. But only one special person is not enough, especially if that one starts drifting away, I’ll drown.
• I did bad things, at least from my point of view. But I shouldn’t let myself feel miserable about those bad decisions in the past, nor should I let other people make me feel bad.
• I hold grudge. For at least 5 years.
• I still cannot manage my time and my priorities efficiently. I hope this can change.
• I can never trust a man 100% that he will commit to one woman for the rest of his life, in particular those who are adventurous and/or sociable. I’ve had some examples. So for now, for me ‘marriage’ is under a big question mark.
• A woman’s jealousy is destructive, especially to herself. Taken from Blue Jasmine. That’s why the previous point is an important presumption.
• My attitude towards ‘love’ is unpredictable, sometimes it can be very irrational, sometimes I analyze everything logically.
• My view on religion is depicted in The Invention of Lying.
• I’m in a way self-centered, since I put more time into intra-personal thinking than inter-personal.

Now, why do I make this public?  I could just save it to myself to be read, let’s say, 5 years later, and see how much I’ll change in terms of thoughts and opinions. It’s just that, I feel that because of the fifth point, other people misunderstand me for a sweet-shy-quiet-little girl, or sometimes the opposite: an arrogant-quiet girl, while in fact, I’m much more than that. I can even sometimes be very bitter and resentful. Oh well, I’m only human.

Note that I’m not in my healthiest emotional state while writing this. If I’m happy and content with myself and my life, this self-reflecting thing would have never crossed my mind.